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Copyright The Washington Post Company Apr 24, 2005

Sept. 1, 1939: The Dawn of History Channel Documentary Footage.

Death in Dallas, 1963: A Triumph for Super-8 Home-Movie Cameras.

This week's contest was suggested by ace Post reporter Paul Farhi, who told the Empress of a poster in a graphics editor's office titled "Columbia: The day graphics ruled," referring to coverage of the shuttle disaster. Paul suggests that the Losers produce other absurdly parochial views of historic events, as in the examples above.

The winner receives the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. First runner-up gets a copy of the excellent book "Muslims in the United States" -- in Arabic. Even the page numbers are not in "Arabic numerals," but in Arabic numerals. Fortunately, the book is also available in its entirety on the Internet in English, so you can learn to read Arabic from it and then get a government job.

Other runners-up win a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt. Honorable mentions get one of the lusted-after Style Invitational Magnets. One prize per entrant per week. Send your entries by e- mail to losers@washpost.com or, if you really have to, by fax to 202- 334-4312. Deadline is Monday, May 2. Put the week number in the subject line of your e-mail, or it risks being ignored as spam. Include your name, postal address and phone number with your entry. Contests are judged on the basis of humor and originality. All entries become the property of The Washington Post. Entries may be edited for taste or content. Results will be published May 22. No purchase required for entry. Employees of The Washington Post, and their immediate relatives, are not eligible for prizes. Pseudonymous entries will be disqualified. The revised title for next week's contest is by Russell Beland of Springfield.

Report from Week 603, in which we asked you to string together words, in order, from one or two consecutive chapters of Genesis (King James Version) to produce your own sentences. This contest drew a great wail from the Losers, who were sore vexed about having to actually read the Bible for once (though several were pleased to report the discovery of several juicy passages that had been conveniently omitted in Sunday school).

{diam}Second runner-up: Chapter 36: Duke, duke, duke . . . Duke of Reuel. Duke duke . . . Duke of Reuel . . . Duke duke. (Russell Beland, Springfield)

{diam}First runner-up, winner of the Bonsai Potato kit: Chapters 8-9: And God made Windows, saying: Go forth and multiply upon the earth. The fear and dread of you shall be upon every beast of the earth. (Stephen Dudzik, Olney)

{diam}And the winner of the Inker: Chapters 37-38: Being seventeen years old, the lad could not speak peaceably. He told his brethren and mother to "flock off." Father said, "My son's an evil beast -- be pleased the kid is not twins!" (Michelle Stupak, Ellicott City)

{diam}Honorable Mentions:

Chapter 1: In the beginning God created the waters, the fly, and the fish, and he went to the river and slept. (Chris Doyle, Raleigh)

Chapters 2-3: And a man went to the Garden of Eden to dress up as a woman, and God said, Why hast thou taken the flaming way of life? (Chris Doyle)

Chapters 2-3: God created herb, and Adam said, "Thou the man!" (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf)

Chapters 2-3: Every plant and every herb of the field grew, and a mist watered the whole face of the man, and his nostrils became a river. And the man said: Surely the garden is the mother of all evil. (Brendan Beary, Great Mills)

Chapters 15-16: Take my wife . . . pleaseth. (Russell Beland)

Chapters 17-18: Beget thee all day when in heat. Lift up your feet, quickly knead the calf, and butter thy wife. (David Witt, Marshall, Va.)

Chapters 25-26: Esau did eat pottage of lentiles and it came to pass . . . and it came to pass. (Lawrence McGuire)

Chapter 30: And when Rachel saw Jacob, she gave unto him womb service. (Chris Doyle)

Chapters 31-32: Strangers in the night, do be do be do. (Frank Mullen III, Aledo, Ill.)

Chapter 34: The damsel spake unto the young man: "Behold, it is large enough, only ye stink." (Carol June Hooker, Landover Hills)

Chapters 36-37: Riches more than their firstborn: these are found in Rehoboth in their habitations, for even some pit -- empty, no water -- to rent. (Brendan Beary)

Genesis 41: And the Pharaoh hastily devoured the Good-and-Plenty in plenteous handfuls, and he left plenteousness over all the face. (Dave Prevar, Annapolis)

Genesis 44-45: Food is indeed evil. This my ass hath found out. So, no more fat laden bread and meat. Enough, before I die! (Jeff Covel, Arlington)

Genesis 45-46: Joseph, refrain from saying your stuff is "way great!" (Bill Spencer, Exeter, N.H.)

Chapter 48: And Joseph said: "I will make thee a Reuben." And Israel blessed Joseph and said, "God fed me all my life long. This be greater." (Ken Gallant, Little Rock)

Genesis 49: And Jacob said (his eyes red with wine) unto the judge: Biteth me! (Chris Doyle)

And Last: Genesis 26: For she now hath made room for us and sent away Beeri. (Chris Doyle)

{diam}And we even have room for the rest of the winners of Week 602,

in which we asked you to take a word beginning with A, B, C or D, alter it by one letter or transpose two letters, and redefine it:

Callipygmian: Having a cute little behind. (Tom Witte, Montgomery Village)

Cannabus: A VW van with those flower decals. (Russell Beland)

Carion: An auto left out on a city street for a week. (Katherine Hooper, Jacksonville, Fla.)

Cerebrawl: Kant and Hegel go at it. (Kyle Hendrickson, Frederick)

Catechasm: The gap between what the church teaches and what its followers believe. (John Shea, Lansdowne, Pa.)

Chia pit: A hairy underarm. (Dave Komornik, Danville, Va.)

Chock Full o' Outs: Don Larsen, 1956. (Les Greenblatt, Ann Arbor, Mich.)

Coinkidence: When two people send in precisely the same Style Invitational entry. (Steve Fahey, Kensington; Ervin Stembol, Alexandria)

ConservaTiVo: A device that will record only the Fox News Channel. (Pam Sweeney, Germantown)

Consumemation: Praying mantis sex. (Stephen Dudzik)

Contrapceptive: Mrs. Rube Goldberg hated this one. (Ned Bent, Oak Hill)

Cosa Nostar: A small-time mobster. (Chris Doyle)

GOPulation: Strictly between a man and a woman. (Jesse Frankovich, Lansing, Mich.)

Dorkage: A service fee for bringing your own idiot into a restaurant. (Andy Bassett, New Plymouth, New Zealand)

Corre$pondent: A reporter the White House can rely on. (Harry Farkas, Columbus, Ohio)

Cummerband: A music group consigned forever to play weddings. (Rob Poole, Ellicott City)

Drydream: A wholesome fantasy. (Dan Seidman, Watertown, Mass.)

Demongraphic: Blue states. -- K. Rove, Washington (Cheryl Davis, Arlington)

Debtritus: What's left after the repo men leave. (Ross Elliffe, Picton, New Zealand)

Neuteronomy: A censored book of the Bible where nobody gets to "know" anybody. (Jon Reiser, Hilton, N.Y.)

Diasporap: "Hey Ya Nagila." (Judith Cottrill, New York)

Disembowl: Punish a college for recruiting violations. (Ned Bent)

Mr. Seuss: What happened after the AMA found out that he recommended the consumption of green eggs. (Mel Loftus, Holmen, Wis.)

Oldrums: AARPathy. (Chris Doyle)

Doughn'ts: The stuff that's not on your diet. (Danny Organek, Alexandria)

Wowager: A rich, good-looking and newly available woman. (Peter Metrinko, Chantilly)

Dubying: Replacing the president's words with English. (Jonathan Paul, Garrett Park)

Kdumb: Said of a word with an unnecessary silent letter. (Danny Organek)

Dyspeepsia: The result of eating too much Easter candy. (Marian Phelps, Vail, Colo.)


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