PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR DEAN ALTERMAN
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||Rocky of ages, or Badenov for you?
||State any historical event -- right up to 2021 -- in the provided "A, or B" format.
||Dead Letters, our obit poem contest
||Write a poem of eight lines or fewer (plus an optional title) about someone who died in 2019.
||The confaketionary -- food fictoids
||Tell us some comically false "fact" about food, drink or dining.
||Other People's Business
||Describe what might happen if any of the above institutions (a) were run by an institution of your choice or (b) ran an institution of your choice.
||Anthem Is as Anthem Does
||Give us a verse for an alternative U.S. national anthem, set to any well-known tune.
||H H |
||The 97.5-Meter Dash
||Suggest some time- and cost-saving measures so the 2004 Olympic Games in Athens will open on time.
||Show Us Your Best Quantities
||Come up with novel units of measure, and explain or quantify them.
||It's Delete We Can Do
||Come up with very bad subject lines for spam e-mail--lines that will guarantee instant deletion, sight unseen.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]