PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR PAUL LAPORTE
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
- I: Idea for Contest.
||MRGRS: Mash 2 abbrevs.
||Combine two acronyms or other abbreviations, whether of entities or expressions, into one big one, and describe it, offer a slogan for the new organization, etc.
||H H H I |
||Themes good enough for us
||Suggest an existing song to be used as the theme for a TV series or program for comic effect.
||Write a joke with a punch line depending on knowledge so esoteric that it requires an asterisked explanation.
||Nice Job, if You Get It
||Take anything that might need its image enhanced and rename it in a way the keeps its essential identity, but makes it seem nicer.
||Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people.
||THE RIGHT STUFF
||Write a sentence, or phrase, or entire passage, using only your right hand on the keyboard. This means you may use no keys to the left of N, H, Y and 7.
||BILL US LATER
||Choose among the names of any of the newly elected U.S. senators or representatives and propose a bill they might sponsor.
||ASK BACKWARDS MCLXVII
||You are on "Jeopardy!" These are the answers. What are the questions?
||Take any word from the dictionary and redefine it.
||SPARE EXCHANGE, BUDDY?
||Take any phone number of any business or government office in the Washington area, translate the first two digits into their constituent letters and propose any appropriate one-word exchange.
||H H |
||THE PYLE INVITATIONAL
||Come up with hip, contemporary riddles and answers. The punch line must contain a painful pun.
||IT'S A PITY
||Enter any of the provided contests. Winners will be judged entirely on the basis of how pitiful an attempt at humor the entry is.
||2 H |
||QUOTH THE MAVEN
||Take any famous line, change it by one letter only (add, subtract or change a single letter), and reattribute it.
||Complete the sentence "Wouldn't it be great if …"
||OUR OWN DEVICES
||What do these contraptions do? Tell us in 50 words or fewer.
||Suggest a motto for the "tails" side of any of the state-themed quarters.
||Come up worthy successors to Joe Camel. Name the product, and describe the totally inappropriate cartoon character that would be created to represent it.
||NO QUESTION ABOUT IT
||Come up with truly stupid questions.
||A SIN OF THE TIMES
||Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical.
||WE NEED SOME SEASONING
||Come up with the first signs of spring in Washington.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]