This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.

But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.

If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.

If you see any error, please let me know,

Key to Ink Types:

1407 Your ad space (or space ad) here Come up with an idea for promoting some commercial product or service (a) in space, (b) in a prison, (c) at a kindergarten, (d) by a football team or (e) in the White House. P
1400 Back on track with our classic 'foal' contest "Breed" any two of the provided names of the 100 horses nominated for the 2020 Triple Crown races and name the "foal" to humorously reflect the parents' names. H
1372 Trash talking, 1880-style Write a quatrain or -- heck -- two of Balliol rhyme about some person. P
1359 Back up in the air (quotes) Write a sentence or two and highlight an "air quote" that spans two or more words (and two sentences if you like). P
1349 Revise and extend these remarks Go to and click on the PDF for any day's Congressional Record. Choose any sentence (or substantial part of one) and write a question that it could answer. P
1319 The Tile Invitational VI Create a five-, six-, or seven-letter word (or phrase) by scrambling the letters of any of the provided sets and define it. P
1300 Botch office sensations Add "13" to an existing movie title, and some humorous trouble to the plot. P
1263 Playing the short game Using the three-letter Olympic national abbreviations and/or the abbreviation for any college, tell what would happen if one abbreviated team played another. H
1211 The best tweets in history Write a stupidly disparaging tweet (140 characters or fewer, including spaces) about some laudable figure of past or present, true or fictional. H
1210 Send us the bill: Our 'joint legislation' game Combine two or more names from the provided list of members of Congress to “co-sponsor” a bill based on their combined last names, and state its purpose. H
1209 Invented facts: A fictoid contest Tell us a humorously untrue account of how a product or invention came to be, or got its name. P
1144 Someone else's business Name a real brand, along with something else it would be a better name for. P
1108 Hearts of dorkness Write a humorous Valentine's Day sentiment to someone (or to some organization), either real or fictional -- either from you or from someone else you name. Plus an all-new option: We'll also be willing to run at least one really funny, clever, well-executed graphic. P
1096 Picture this Write a humorous caption for any of the provided Bob Staake cartoons. H
1054 Dead letters Write a short, humorous poem commemorating someone (or maybe even something) who died in 2013. P
1048 Ask Backwards You supply the questions to as many of the provided answers as you like. P
1027 Built for two Give humorous related names for any pair of features in a given building, organization, etc. H
1020 Colt following Breed any two of this week's winning foals and name the grandfoal. P
1015 Faux re mi Give us some humorously false trivia about music or musicians. P
1005 Send us the bill Name a piece of legislation "cosponsored" by two or more of the 98 new House and Senate members provided. H
1001 Make us ROFL Give us a funny, original acronym. P
987 Bank shots Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Washington Post or on from Sept. 6 through Sept. 17 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. P
965 Foaling around Breed any two of the horses in this year's Triple Crown races and name their foal. H
915 Picture this Write a caption for any of the cartoons pictured here. H
893 Give us a hint Write a humorously witty story in 25 words or fewer. H
866 Natalie Portmanteau Begin with a real name; append to it a word, name or expression so that they overlap; and finally define (humorously, of course) the resulting phrase. H
830 Mess With Our Heads Take any headline, verbatim, appearing anywhere in The Post or on from Aug. 14 through Aug. 24 and reinterpret it by adding a "bank head," or subtitle. H
801 Ask Backwards You are on "Jeopardy!" Here are the answers. You supply one or more of the questions. H
760 Whacksy Buildup Describe any of these Googlewhacks in the form of a question, "Jeopardy"-style. 2 H H
748 Dead Letters Write a humorous poem about a well-known personage who died in 2007. P
742 Clue Us In Give us a whole new set of clues to a crossword puzzle penned by Ace Constructor Paula Gamache. 3
700 Stump Us Come up with someone's slogan for the 2008 presidential campaign. P
696 Send Us the Bill Come up legislation the newly-elected members of Congress might sponsor together. H
645 A Hearty Har Har Write up a Valentine's sentiment to any personage, or to someone in some generic category. H
642 It's Open Season Come up with a brand-new word and its definition. The words must begin with O, P, Q, R or S. P
619 WordCount Us In Write a poem of no more than four lines containing four or more consecutive words on the WordCount list. They must occur in the sentence in the order they appear on the list. H
587 The B-List Come up with an In-Out list for 2005, or other pairings. H
586 God's Will (and Won't) Complete either of the following: "If God hadn't wanted us to ----, God wouldn’t have ----"; "If God had wanted us to ----, God would have ----." H
574 Boor Us Silly Come up with some unwise attempts at humor--one either likely to backfire or to create other unpleasant consequences. H
570 Timeline Rhyme Lines Produce colorful chronological couplets about some historical event. They must rhyme and be in good meter. H
547 Give Us a Bad Name Take an existing product or business name and pair it with an incompatible one. H
542 Discombobulate Us Come up with both an object/situation and a neologism for it, something that Bob Levey would never have stooped to print in his column. L
424 Osama Chanted Evening Write poems about Osama bin Laden. H
406 Bum Steerage Offer some spectacularly bad advice to any of the provided people. H H
397 Sins of Omission Omit a letter or letters from a real-life sign to create a name for a new business, comically different from the original. Describe the new business or include a slogan that explains it. H
378 Bill Us Now Come up with a bill sponsored by any of the newly elected U.S. senators and representatives, and explain the purpose of the bill. 5


Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:

"Report From Week 758"


"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."

and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:

"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"

I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.

Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.

[still working on this ...]