PERMANENT INKSTAIN FOR NOAH MEYERSON
This is what you've done, each Week. I arrange the rows in reverse chronological order, because there are some Losers, and they know who they are, who check up on my points-awarding every Week.But I would just like to reiterate that such checking up is not a problem for me. I have said many times that each Loser's enlightened self-interest is my best QA.
If you wish to see what your ink was, refer to the Master Contest List or search All Invitational Text. Remember that Types I, P, some H, and sometimes A are seen "above the Report" -- that is, if they are listed here for Week 7777, for example, they will be found in text files or images of Week 7777. Everything else will be found in a "Report" section of a file two, three, or four weeks later; 7781 in this Example.
If you see any error, please let me know, email@example.com.
Key to Ink Types:
- W: Win, whether of the regular contest or the auxiliary contests.
- 2: 2nd Runner-Up; this is second in esteem after the Win, and earns a Loser the crappy prize that used to go to the Winner.
- 4: 4th Runner-Up.
- H: Honorable Mention, sometimes appearing in the setup of a new contest.
||The Year in Redo, Part 2
||Enter (or reenter) any Style Invitational contest from Week 1388 through 1412.
||The lie-zy days of summer
||Tell us some bogus trivia about the summer or things that happen or have happened in the summer.
||H H |
||Back to the drawing board
||Come up with an idea for an invention that still needs a bug ironed out.
||The hex files: creative curses
||Come up with a creative curse.
||Tell us some humorously bogus trivia about the news media or the publishing or broadcasting industries.
||Write a "univocalic" newspaper headline -- one that uses only one vowel throughout.
||Give us some bad ideas
||Finish any of the provided "You know" phrases.
||Spell a word backward and define the result, somehow relating the definition to the original word.
||Well, Excuuuuse Us!
||Come up with new excuses for any common human shortcoming or imperfection.
||Hey, Baby, What's Your Sector?
||Come up with pickup lines that could be heard only in Washington.
||Come up with extreme cost-conserving measures for these difficult economic times.
||Come with a passage in a novel that ineptly describes hanky-panky.
||Come up with one or more items from an underachiever's list of midlife resolutions.
||Life in the Blurbs
||Come up with a blurb used to sell a real or imagined book or movie that would be likely to have the opposite of the intended effect.
||Spinning Out of Control
||Take a headline in today's Washington Post and create a subhead that spins the story in an opposite or unexpected direction.
||Supply bad openings to college application biographies.
||Come up with a line that will surely not appear in an upcoming work.
||Come up with "uh-oh" lines, statements that occur in the middle of a seemingly benign speech or conversation, suddenly alerting the listener that he is about to hear some bad news.
||Complete any of the provided "A is like B because" sentences.
||SACRED COW PIES
||Take cheap shots at sacred institutions only, places and things that are so noble and wholesome they are beyond reproach, from among the items provided.
||CAN YOU BEAT THIS?
||Come up with headlines describing the defeat of one pro team by another.
||Take any paragraph appearing on Page A1 of today's Washington Post, and rewrite it in the style of any famous writer.
||A SIN OF THE TIMES
||Submit campaign or other political practices that would be illegal and/or unethical.
||What are the people saying?
||WE WANT STUPID ENTRIES ONLY
||Make up a sentence that, were it not for this contest, would never be uttered.
MOST OF YOUR INK
Here is, I hope, most of your ink to be found in the All Invitational Text list. I have to find these with what are called regular expressions, which is a method used in a lot of programming languages to find and modify certain text strings in larger corpora. Basically I look for something like this:
"Report From Week 758"
"And from The Style Invitational four weeks ago . . ."
and then some text, your name, and your town, arranged in this familiar way:"GlaxoSmithKline: I have six kids named Chesterfield, Winston, Lark, BensonHedges, Doral and Kool. If I name my new baby Nicorette, can I get a free coupon for your products? (Jennifer Hart, Arlington)"I don't catch everything, but I believe I find 90%.
Unlike in the table to the left, I've arranged these in chronological order, so you can see how your humor matured, like a forgotten cheese deep in the walls of an old house. You started out, perhaps in Year 1, sending in riddles you sort of remembered from grade school, and now look at ya, ain't you Dorothy Parker.
[still working on this ...]