proudly resents ...

 

News Flash:

Conspiracy buffs are going wild with the sudden disappearance of the Invitational's official historian and the near simultaneous destruction of The Weak Week's main computer banks. These highly suspicious disruptions account for the delayed release of The Weak Week and prompt a disclaimer that all statistics report in this week's column are unverified. The Weak Week would also like to point out that, while it does not endorse any commercial products or political candidates, HP's technical support desk readily agreed to replace the Weak Week's hardware free of charge, despite being thirteen months into a twelve month warranty. The vast Weak Week archives have, however, been lost to civilization.

The Week in Loserdom:

Losers everywhere were a buzz with the Presidential and Vice Presidential debates. Based on a count of Losers willing to share their views, Al Gore looks to have an edge in the race for Loserland's zero electoral votes. Also, The Weak Week is saddened to announce the retirement of Messing With the Czar. Despite a plea in last week's column for participation, MWTC managed to obtain only modest backing and now finds itself sharing an efficiency condo in central Florida with the Ear No One Ever Read.

Results of Week XXXIII

Summary: The Week XXXIII^* competition was stiff, and we suspect the Czar ran out of space, causing many worthy entries to fail to obtain a state of inked grace. As expected, the Czar broke with his requirement for entries in groups of three and printed mostly single items.

The Siberian Express: This week's All Aboard for the Aurora Borealis is a split decision. The Weak Week staff leaned toward John Kammer's "...have you seen these savings?" for its originality and distinctiveness. The Weak Week distaff favored Chuck Smith's "...under your raincoat." For traditional Style imagery. Both were great.

Score Losers: Eight hits for Beland was the most total ink, and brings his consecutive appearance streak to nine weeks. Genser's five hits (including a rare double-shirt) move him back into third for the year. Hart's lead for the year, despite four HMs, shrinks to seven. Finally, Pannullo scores a double to move him into a tie for 37th for the year.

Week XXXVII:

The Weak Week Prediction: Another fine contest with solid potential. Look for tons of entries and lots of ink from both regulars and new comers.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW) : The Czar will get lots of entries and it is likely a good week to take the Czar's advice and put your best stuff first. Also, remember, the results of this week will be printed Sunday November 5th. That means Halloween is ... over, the World Series is ... over, presidential debates are ... over. Don't waste your time on out-of-date entries.

Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week XXXVII gets a:

This is an overall excellent week. Expect lots of ink and plenty of fun working on your entries. If there is a down side to this week, it's that the range of entries is, probably, limited.

Flushie With Victory (Part i of vii): Rookie of the Year

As it Stands: The restoration has not, thus far, produced a rookie who has demonstrated a get-invited-to-a-Chinese-lunch level of output. The current leader for the overly coveted New Meat Award is James Pierce with seven appearances since Week III. Statistically, the lead belongs to Ellen Ryan with six inks since Week XXV. A good deal, however, depends on whether or not Larry Phillips is declare eligible for rookie honors. Given the limited data available at press time (see News Flash above) he would appear to have managed four hits in his debut week. If his rookie status is confirmed, he must be considered the main threat. Other contenders, at this stage, include John Held (6 since Week III), John O'Byrne (5 since Week I), Laura Bennet Peterson (4 since Week XI) and Art Simpson (4 since Week VI). None of these neo-Losers has, however, scored in recent weeks and the outcome is way too close to call.

Out on That Limb: The Week Weak Statistics Branch declares twelve appearances will be sufficient to claim rookie honors, and designates James Pierce as the narrow favorite. Statistical models show, however, that there is plenty of time left for this one. With nineteen weeks of results still to come, some proto-Loser could easily emerge and take home the slab of veal.

Coming Next Week:

Least Imporved Loser

Read more Weak Weeks

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