proudly resents ...

The Week in Loserdom:

Losers everywhere shared their entries and complaints about Week XXXVI's contest (provide the punchline to any of several jokes with no comic potential). Based on the entires we've seen, the Weak Week appears safe in its assessment that this turkey wasn't even suitable for Thanksgiving.

Results of Week XXXIV

Summary: Week XXXIV^* was another week of fine entries and vast potential. The total number of hits was held down somewhat by length of some of the entries printed, but the Czar compensated by digging deep and giving out four runner up T-shirts.

The Siberian Express: There is no free ride to Omsk this week. The Czar got the split just right and the Honorable Mentions, while fine, were all a notch below the runners-up. The Weak Week simple calls 'em as it reads 'em.

Score Losers: Chuck Smith took home the drool and four bumper stickers for maximum ink this week. Beland's hit streak stretches to 10 weeks, with a triple, including his fourth Uncle. Hart, Genser, Paul, and Witte each had a double.

Week XXXVIII:

The Weak Week Prediction: The Weak Week has always had mixed feeling about Ask Backwards. While the results are often first rate, the contests somehow never seem fun. This week there is the added complication that the top-50 Losers for the year must submit under false names. The regulars will, no doubt, go all out for ink to prove their appearances stem from merit. The Czar, despite disclaimers, will have a fairly good idea of which entries are from regulars and which are not and ink will go, mostly, to the usual suspects.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW) : The last time the Czar ran a contest with anonymous entries, several people were disqualified for using obviously fake names. Leave I. P. Daley home for the week. For the contest itself: Eero Saarinen was the architect who designed, among other things, the St. Louis Arch (He was born in Finland in 1910.) Yuri Gagarin was the first person ever to orbit the earth. (He was born in Russia in 1934.) Vladimir Putin is President of Russia.

Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week XXXVIII gets a:

The Weak Week awards its first ever over-the-top seventeen rating. The contest format is a classic, but the (largely pointless) fake name element drops this one completely out of the rating system.

Flushie With Victory (Part ii of vii):

Least Imporved Loser

As it Stands: Perhaps the least coveted of the major Flushies, Least Imporved requires a bitter-sweet combination of good performance last year with a drastic falling off this year. This year's Least Imporved is complicated by the fact that Year 7 stands as The Style Year Shortened by the Post's Inability to Figure Out When the Millennium Ends. Because of the shortened Year 7, nearly all regular Losers are already close to, or past, the previous year's totals. The two exceptions are Dudzik (11 down from last year) and Zarrow (7 down). This year's Least Imporved could hinge on the precise criteria used to select the "lucky" recipient. Mike Long, with 6 hits in Year Seven has no ink so far this year and is a strong contender, but only if someone who does not appear all year is deemed eligible.

Out on That Limb: The Week Weak Statistics Branch concludes that both Dudzik's and Zarrow's changes in fortune have been due, in part, to extreme demands on their time. And while Dudzik is currently leading for Least Imporved, his ink production should imporve now that his new bride and new house are done deals. This leaves Zarrow the favorite (assuming Long is disqualified).

The Week Link: A Special Investigation:

Week Weak archeologists today announced a major discovery. The missing link between the modern Uncle's Pick and the ancient And Last was unearthed in "The Report From Week 145" (January 14th, 1996). The contest (won by Susan Reese) asked for new labels for public bathrooms. The "And Last" for that week, in its entirety, was: "At the National Organization for Women-- Men and Women (There is nothing 'funny' about gender stereotyping in any form, including so-called 'humor' in newspaper 'contests.')" The entry was credited to: Joseph Romm, Washington.

Coming Next Week:

Most Imporved Loser

Read more Weak Weeks

*Denotes external link. You will be leaving www.gopherdrool.com. Don't be frightened, we'll be right here waiting when you come back. On second thought, be very, VERY frightened.

This site looks purdiest when viewed with browser versions released in the 21st century.