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The Week in Loserdom:

The Weak Week News Crew was shocked, SHOCKED, to discover serious (even if deeply pointless) political debate on LoserNet all week. The culprits will be tracked down and brought to justice.

Results of Week XXXV

Summary: The Week XXXV^* called for the creation of new words out of mis-matched parts of hyphenated words from that day's Post. As with previous Hyphen the Terrible contests, the results were both strong and numerous. The results show Team Weak Week batting .750 in its projections. Pierce's double puts him well in front for Rookie of the Year (as predicted) and Witte and Zarrow each had a strong week (also predicted). Zarrow's strong showing, however, puts him nearly out of the running for the his projected claim to Least Imporved Loser.

The Siberian Express: This week's winter weekend goes to Tom Witte for his fine Morn-ry. Of all the entries on the page, this is one that could, potentially, find its way into use.

Score Losers: Witte's seven HMs push him easily into fifth for year, while Doyle's six hits (including the win) bring him into a tie for third. Zarrow's four inks bring his career total up to 150. Other regular Losers, too numerous to mention, had doubles or triples for the week. And last: Five-year-old Adam Beland becomes one of the youngest of the Losers, sharing Uncle ink with his seven-year-old brother Zack.

Week XXXIX:

The Weak Week Prediction: Captioning contests usually generate good, but sometimes sparse, results. This is a format that traditionally favors Chuck Smith. Hart (as if she needs the help) often does well too.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW): The Weak Week staff does notoriously poorly on captioning contests. You get to fly solo on this one.

Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week XXXIX gets a:

This is an OK, but nothing special, contest. Look for multiple hits from a few of the regulars to dominate the results.

Flushie With Victory (Part iii of vii): Most Imporved Loser

As it Stands: As with the Least Imporved Loser (previewed in this space last week) Most Imporved is complicated by The Style Year Shortened by the Post's Inability to Figure Out When the Millennium Ends. Several Losers are already way, way, ahead of last year's totals and it will likely take an improvement of plus seventy to take home the award. Doyle is currently out in front at +56, but Hart and Beland are both above +40, with Genser, Paul, and Sullivan each close behind them.

Out on That Limb: The Week Weak Statistics branch thinks Doyle has this one locked up. While he can hit cold streaks, it is unlikely that either of the other main contenders will close a fifteen ink gap in just seventeen weeks.

The Week Link: (Week 136, October 22, 1995)

Five years ago today: the contest, suggested by Joe Romm, was to redo the ends of "literary classics." The results, three weeks later, included revisions of such classics as Woodstock, Old Yeller, and Rocky II. In the results of Week 133 the Czar printed what has become one of his favorite entries of all time: Mike Connaghan's analogy between trying to have a baby and explaining a joke. Connaghan also had five HMs that week, and Jennifer Hart scored a most unusual two And Lasts.

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