proudly resents ...
- The Week in Loserdom:
- The TWW is proud to present three new features today. First, TWW is just delighted to announce a new and exciting joint venture we're calling F2.1. In F2.1 the Auxiliary Czar discusses the Losers' entries and provides her thoughts and comments about the contest that were just too boring to print on the real F2. No, no, actually she provides fascinating and illuminating comments that just didn't fit on F2. Next, in The Eye of the Beholder, TWW begins a several-week effort in potentially self-degrading journalism by comparing how TWW's editorial junta actually did in the contest to how we expected to do. Finally, we debut a new feature intended to alternate with The Week Link. The Weak Week Wonders will examine questions that are burning in the minds of Losers everywhere, well, somewhere.
- Results of LVI (Overkilling Me Softly)*
- Summary: The Auxiliary Czar continues to surprise us by walking an even finer line than the Czar did concerning what is printable. This week's results were great and an occasional reference to bestiality and the second recent slam of the Ombudsmen can't hurt.
F2.1 (AC Comments): Week LVI inspired a lot of you to send in dozens of entries apiece -- sometimes over the course of half a dozen e-mails. Since the "Operation Overkill" contest appeared right after the administration decided to carry on the family tradition and bomb Baghdad, we were immediately deluged with entries ending in "Bomb Iraq" and beginning, variously, "Bush can't get on the front page," "Bush can't justify his tax cut," etc. Clearly, some entrants were more interested in venting than in getting a laugh. On the other hand, I'm looking at a thick sheaf of entries that made me laugh out loud, only 37 of which fit into the Invitational box on F2. It's amazing, the number of problems that could be "solved" with Super Glue.
Some funny entries didn't fit the contest, which asked for a drastic overreaction. The best of these was from the polymerically yclept Paul Styrene: "Problem: You have arthritis and can't move your arms around easily yet people think you murdered your ex-wife and her friend and people won't leave you alone and the media are hounding you every day and you simply want to be left alone to live your life quietly. Solution: Make a porno movie." The Uberczar and I hope you're coping with the Interregnum. We're having a fun time playing with The Czar's toys while he's gone. The Siberian Express: We know for whom the train rolls. It rolls for Meg Sullivan for her "use your maiden name" joke. TWW does, however, wonder if the subtle dig at Washington's most famous power couple (Mr. and Mrs. Alan Greenspan) was really appropriate.
Score Losers: Hart's continuing drought (now at five weeks) finally costs her first place as Beland takes the lead (at 19) for the first time in the Restoration. Witte and Smith both score to move into a tie for third with Paul (at 13) . Sullivan's five points move her out of the pack and into a tie for tenth (with Kepner and rookie Ewing). Hull has her best week of the year (scoring three) to move into the top-twenty for the first time in 2001.
The Eye of the Beholder: TWW presents the first of a multipart series in which we attempt to see if TWW and TWP can agree on anything. Prior to seeing the Post's judging of Week LVI, TWW divided its 36 entries into quartiles (best nine through worst nine), selected our single best entry, identified 15 of our 36 entries as the ones potentially suitable for ink, and contemplated our likely overall performance. The results: We did not expect a really big week, but hoped to sneak in an honorable mention or two. Our one runner-up and four HMs were, therefore, a big surprise. Of our five hits this week, only two came from our top quartile, one was from the third quartile and two (including the runner up) came from the quartile we liked least. The entry we thought was our very best did not see ink. Even more curious, only two of the five printed were from the 15 TWW thought had any chance of ink. The bottom line is that TWW and TWP didn't agree much at all. If there had been a limit of ten, or even fifteen, submissions, most of ours getting ink never would have been sent. Coming next: We'll scroll down if we want to.
- Week LX (Things Could be Verse, but not by vuch):
- The Weak Week Prediction: Not since the dreaded haiku contest has the SI combined its two least favorite features in one week. Losers must comb their copies of the Post for ideas and then write poetry. Look for only a few good items and those from the regular poets (Zarrow and Coyner, Dudzik and Kepner). Hey...that rhymes...
The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW) : Remember Bush rhymes with tush but not hush. Also, TWW is about to share the best general e-resource it has ever found. The "Index of over two hundred wordplay-related websites" www.wolinskyweb.com/word.htm. This site has links to hundreds of word game and word list pages. Anagrams, words out of phone numbers, song lyrics, dictionaries of all sorts, and yes: lists of rhymes. It is amazing all by itself.
Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LX gets a:
There will probably be some good entries, but not much fun for the Losers.
How Cool the Drool: On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's nose cleaner (broken) gets a:
A broken nose cleaner? This is a week to shoot for a runner-up, the prize is better.
The Weak Week Wonders: How come there are no funny people in DC? Without any slight intended to the Losers who actually live in the nation's capital, the standings show relatively few people from DC, and the few that are listed have comparatively low point totals. The highest ranked Washingtonian for 2001 (Romm) is currently tied for 14th and that's in a contest run by The W A S H I N G T O N Post.
Consider the following fun facts (based on the point totals as of last week and the 2000 census results). DC has produced 8 Losers in 2001 with a total of 19 points. That's from a total population of over 572,000. Herndon, with less than 4% of the District's population, has 5 losers with 27 points. Arlington, with a third the population of DC, has 6 losers with 28 points. How lop sided is this? Well, in Herndon a truly amazing one person out of every 4,332 already has a Loser point this year! In Arlington it's one out of 31,575. But in our nation's capital, it's a shockingly low one in 71,508. Even Alexandria, a jurisdiction that (again, no offense) barely registers in the Loser rankings, has nearly twice as many losers per capita. And, the Losers DC does have don't tend to get many points. DC Losers have averaged less that 2.4 points each so far this year. Losers from Virginia and Maryland have averaged a full point more. Even Losers from outside the DC/Maryland/Virginia area (who might be expected to be at a disadvantage) average more points than those living in DC. If the results for this week were included, with only two points for Washingtonians, it would probably make the comparison seem even worse. What is going on? Is this some hidden bias in the judging? Does it reflect uneven entry rates? Or is it the case that residents of our nation's capital are just not funny (excluding, of course, elected officials)? TWW wants to know!
Something to look forward to: Two Fords parked on the lawn
Something to look forward to after that: Headline Snooze
Something too far out to look forward to: Calling the Toon
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