proudly resents ...

 

The Week in Loserdom:

Last Sunday featured the grand and glorious Sixth Annual Flushie Awards. So many prizes and awards were given out, by so many people, to so many people, that we could not possibly list them all here. The perfect mix of black-tie and black-T made for a memorable event. If you didn't get there, well, you didn't get there. Watch Gopherdrool for the history of the Flushie, coming soon.

Losernet was filed this week with talk of kilts in the breeze and of a rugby player studying to be a proctologist. These are the sort of quality discussions you just don't find anywhere else.

Results of Week LIX^* (A Comic Bomb)

Summary:

The need to print a comic strip picture for each entry cuts way back on the ink, but the AuxCzar loves us so much she went out and purchased ad space, just to print a few more. The results were good, really good. The continuing dearth of runners-up remains troubling, but otherwise it was a good week.

F2.1 (The AC's Comments):
Really, I SWEAR I didn't name a winner from Falls Church just so I could say, "We got our LIX from Route 66." I was delighted that we could get more space to run so many of the comics panels, though there were still dozens of worthies that I wasn't able to include. There were submissions for just about every comic in the Sunday paper -- even the connect-the-dots picture of Alexander Graham Bell on the Mini Page ("He had a head for numbers"--Carolyn Bassing, Takoma Park). The most common entries were for "Pickles," suggesting that the old lady was going to eat either cat food or cat; for roaches in "That's Life"; and something about Madonna in "Zits." Only a very few people misunderstood the contest and supplied whole entirely rewritten strips--which there's not room to describe even in The Weak Week.

The award for the Grrrrrrosssest entry goes to Jennifer Hart, who supplied the following dialogue for making-sour-faces Red and his happy dog Rover: Red: "Mom calls this thing a "diaphragm.' Want a lick?" Rover: "Sure!"

The Siberian Express:

Traveling to Siberia, by way of Belowdafoldia, is Roy Ahsley for the "Taxation Without Representation" line for Prince Valiant. It was great. The Express also has a little room in the baggage car for Tom Witte's cutting edge "found it on the side of the road" HM which wins our new She Can Print THAT? award.

Score Losers:

Just like Bobby Dylan, Niels Hoven makes a surprise appearance from Australia. Dudzik's three singles pull him out of the pack and into the top-twenty for year. Doyle and J. Sorensen both achieve simulatnious multiples, and tie for fifth (with 16). Hart outscores Beland to pull within three of the leader. The top-ten for the year are all finally in double digits as "Ervin Stembol" gets his tenth point of the year.

TWW is once again having trouble matching its point totals to the Post's, so these are just estimates.

Week LXIII (A Little Hoarse, of course, of course):

The Weak Week Prediction:

It's time again to name the race horses. This contest is now an annual standard and draws thousands and thousands of entries, mostly from Mary Lee Fox Roe. Competition is the hardest of the year, as great entries get pushed off the page by greater entries.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW) :

The race horse contest is work. TWW editorial junta has a lot of experience with this one and will guarantee that success requires a lot of mixing, matching, and mulling. Unlike most contests, your best ideas may not come to you until the deadline, so hold off sending ones that are not quite right. Printed entries, particularly the winners and runners-up, often use some unexpected interpretation of the horses' names and a clever play on words. Our strategy for this contest is to fix on one name (with a specific joke in mind) then go through the list looking for a mate to complete the gag. By Wednesday or Thursday, we'll have a list of twenty or thirty horses we're still trying to pair. Oh, and forget about:

Comic Genius + One Special Judge = The Uncle

On Sabbatical + Russian Mystery = Where's the Czar

Secret Pro + You Know Who = Ervin Stembol

We already sent them and she won't print them.

Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXIII gets a:

Despite the massive effort-to-ink ratio, this contest is THE classic. Blame The Hammer if you must, but this is the crack cocaine of the Invite.

How Cool the Drool: On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's Ugly tie gets a:

That's two points on merit, plus one for being from Kornheiser, plus one for showing some improvement over the last few weeks.

In the time it takes light to travel a 52nd of a light-year: Even Verse Poetry

In the time it takes light to travel a 26th of a light-year: Blurbed Visions

In the time it, OK, OK, we're done with that: Your own personal hand basket.

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