proudly resents ...

 

The Week in Loserdom:

Some Losers felt the need to gripe about the lexicon for last week's refrigerator magnet contest, while others shared their signs with blacked out letters. But most of the Losers just went out to enjoy the spring weather. It was the kind of week that deserved to be spent on something other than the Invite "irregradless" of anything else.

Results of Week LXII^* (The Hell With This Contest)

Summary:

Despite our disclaimer four weeks ago, TWW editorial junta took considerable grief for this contest suggestion. Describing someone's personal hell turned out to be a lot tougher than we expected. Overall, the results suggest the Losers lacked the flair they showed in this contest seven years ago. Still, the results had their moments.

F2.1 (The AC's Comments):
Hell Week proved worthy of a repeated contest, producing stygian visions of all-brows. (Perennial Uncle-Pet Joseph Romm was brazen enough to submit practically the same entry he'd already gotten ink with in 1994: "Russ Beland's Hell: He never again wins the Style Invitational but appears only in other people's winning entries." Last time Joe had made this Chuck Smith's hell.) Speaking of, The Great One scored this week with one you poopybrains like to call "too New York Magazine" (translation: I didn't get it), with his idea of Luis Bunuel being the ophthalmologist of Marty Feldman. In case you were fortunate enough to miss the 1920s surrealistic film "An Andalusian Dog," which Bunuel made with Salvador Dali, its most memorable scene is of a giant screen-sized eyeball that gets sliced open by a razor blade. Chuck's vision (hardehar) was to pair that with the British comic who was best known for having bug-eyes the size of ping-pong balls popping out of his head. Highbrow or no, it's just as gross as a colostomy bag joke. And a LOT more original than the 762 entries that said Madonna would be in Hell if she wore outrageous clothes and no one looked at her, or if Bill Clinton found himself impotent, or if Bill had to stay with Hillary, or if Hillary had to stay with Bill. For the rest of the country, Derby Day is next Saturday; for us, it's next Sunday, with as many horse names as I can shove into the gate. For the real race, the current two favorites are Point Given, who made his way into a lot of entries, and Congaree, who didn't make it into any.

The Siberian Express:

On the railroad to hell this week is the Miss Manners entry by Beland. This is his first trip on the Express and, so far, he reports the conductors are being very nice to him.

Score Losers:

Hart took the lead for the year on two singles. Paul had a shirt, a bumper sticker, and a "next week:" shirt, but we're unsure how many points that will generate. More generally, it was a week for many of the top-dozen or so to put just a little more space between themselves and the rest of the pack. In addition to those mentioned above, Smith, Witte, Doyle, Sorensen, Stembol, and Kepner all scored at least one point. Czar spotters can't help but glance at the entry sent in by "Tonya Miles" explaining the Czar's hell, but we have no insights to share on that score.

Week LXVI (Gender Flicks):

The Weak Week Prediction:

The Czar (or Aux Czar) will get dozens of entries for the same few films. Losers will also send dozens of entries for films too obscure to draw ink (An Andalusian Dog won't repeat). Big laughs are unlikely, but a few people will hit really clever ideas.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW) :

TWW has previously suggested web sites for film titles and synopses; we suggest you go back and check them again. As implied above, a big factor will a good film selection, not too obscure, not too obvious.

Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXVI gets a:

Nothing wrong with this one, but nothing special either.

How Cool the Drool: On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's Orrin Hatch album gets a:

We are sure it's terrible, but it likely has no display value.

The Weak Week Wonders: How have Aux and Uber done?

With the regular Czar ready to stage a comeback, it is time to consider the performance of the Auxiliary Czar and UberCzar. We thought about the best way to do this and settled on a simple report card.

Overall judging: A- (Questionable calls just once or twice; as good as the Czar.)
Contest Ideas: C- (Too many requiring the paper, some poorly explained.)
Prize Selection: F (The prizes have really stunk up the contest lately.)
Generosity: B- (Few T-shirts given out, but lots of HMs)
General Contest Management: B (No big problems, no real ooops.)
Citizenship: A+ (Started F2.1; took time to e-mail entrants.)
This gives them an overall average in the B- minus range, though they would have done much much better with a decent set of prizes to award.

May 6th: Playing the Phonies
May 13th: A Sign of the Tims
May 20th You're really funny for someone with so limited a vocabulary.

Read more Weak Weeks

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