proudly resents ...

 

The Week in Loserdom:

LoserNet was filled this week with praise for Ma Hart's brunch event, sympathy for Chuck "He's back" Smith, and suggestions for how to get on Jeapordy. Based on the entries shared for "Cry Uncle," TWW predicts that the Czar will not be impressed with the Losers' efforts on last week's contest.

Results of Week LXVIII (Virtual Really)^*

Summary:

The Czar seems to think we had trouble with this contest, but TWW recalls plenty of good entries shared on LoserNet and plenty more sent in by TWW Editorial Junta itself. The entries that saw ink were all good, so we're not sure what the heck the comments in F2.1 are all about.

F2.1 (Thus Spake the Czar):
Sign that a contest was borderline too hard: There is no final editing cut, because there are exactly enough printable entries to fill the space.
Sign that a contest was really borderline too hard: You have to print one of them twice.

The Siberian Express:

This week's Choo Choo Through Chernobyl goes to Russ Beland. His three HMs were no better than the others, but they were all better than his runner-up.

Score Losers:

The rich get richer as eight of the year's top-ten score this week. Beland increases his lead over Hart and Doyle, but they remain within easy striking distance. Hoven and Grinath each score three points, pulling them both into the top-twenty for the year. Finally, both halves of Team Sorensen score again this week (the third time in four weeks they've inked together). Curiously, they both also matched their 2000 points totals this week, and it's still only June.

Week LXXII (Don't Air Quote Me):

The Weak Week Prediction:

The Czar printed two week's worth of air quotes back in the early days of the restoration, raving about what a great contest it was. Now we face the identical contest, having already sent in our best efforts. Look for less this time. Witte and Hart dominated the ink the first time this contest was run and might as well do so again.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW):

Many computer spell checkers and search routines will also function as word finders. You type in something like *fart* and you get back a list of all the words it knows with that string of letters in them. You can find one such tool at: http://school.discovery.com/dictionaryplus/ . This should make an otherwise tedious contest relatively painless and allow you to concentrate on the clever wording that will be required to get ink. Also, it's a good idea to go back and look at the earlier results, both to avoid duplication and to see what the Czar likes. The complete results are still on the Post's web site as parts of Week VI and Week VII.

Russ to Judgment

On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXXII gets a:

This was not a particularly fun contest the first time, as a repeat, it's even less.

How Cool the Drool

On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's hair shirt gets a:

Which poor slob will get stuck wearing THIS to a brunch?

Czar of the Style Invitational, Just Another Loser:

This week we share the Czar's take on hell and his naming of the ponies.

Week LXII (Describe Hell)

(1)Hell for the Czar of the Style Invitational is sending in entries from a remote location under a pseudonym, for a contest judged by the Aunt of the Style Invitational, who is the uncle's slightly stodgier wife.

(2) Hell for Johnnie Cochran is in an endless game of Monopoly. He always gets his choice of game tokens, and he always chooses to play the "race car," and he always loses.

(3) Hell for me is never getting to meet the Uncle of the Style Invitational, because I find his sense of humor really intriguing and I kind of think we might find love and true romance and deep companionship, not just something cheap and physical, though there would of course be physical elements because I am young and vigorous.

-Christina Mach

(4)Hell for Dave Thomas, the owner of Wendy's, would be learning, in death, that the Hindus were right. And Vishnu is ticked off.

(5)Hell for Al Gore: He is a student at an endless college lecture. The subject is "Achieving Success in Politics." The teacher is George W. Bush, who is going on and on about having to identificate one's goals and peruse them, and hire well-qualicized people, and make sure all t's are dotted and i's are crossed. And he is going on and on and on . . .

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WeekLXIII (Racehorse Names)

(1)DUBAI WORLD x ORIENTATE = DUBYA WORD.

(2)BLOW THE WORLD x BROAD INITIATIVE = NAAH TOO EASY or maybe: BLOW THE WORLD x MONARCHOS = NAAH TOO EASY

(3)DARING PEGASUS x WICKED WILL = POO ON YOU

(4)FIRST BOOK x PROCREATE = GENESIS

(5)OUT OF THE BOX x WITHOUT PRETENSE: Out of the Closet

(6)Mate The Goo and National Pastime, then mate that foal with Date More Minors = Goo, Bat and Ugly

(7)The Goo x Monarchos = MonarchosBlueDress

Gratuitous Commentary:

The Czar got just a bit cute with hell week, trying shamelessly for Uncle ink and even submitting an entry about the Czar's hell. The latter one saw ink, but TWW was more impressed by Johnnie Cochran's and Al Gore's hells.

The Czar doesn't appear to have put the effort required into the racehorses. His Genesis entry (4) was his best, the rest either missed by a little or were nothing special. Our guess is that in addition to entering the contest the Czar actually tried to maintain a life at the same time. That is always a mistake during thoroughbred week. Next Week: The Czar's final efforts at ink.

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