proudly resents ...

 

Loser News:

Self described Loser lurker, Brian Foster, announced the recent birth of his first daughter. By LoserNet standards the response was overwhelming. Gene Weingarten again held an on-line chat and was, again, hit with mostly Invitational questions. But it's fun. Losers everywhere are still awaiting the long awaited Loser Brunch at the home of Dave "Pseudonym Free" Zarrow and his lovely bride. This week's big news, however, is the debut of "Humor Challenged" a fun, new, exciting, adjective-filled humor contest run by your friends at TWW. See below for the details on how to win your very own talking & singing toilet.

Results of Week LXXIX (Beware the Anti-Climax)^*

Summary:

As expected, Losers split their efforts between rewrites of famous lines and entirely new, anti-climax, lines. As he does every now and then, however, the Czar changed the contest between the time it was announced and the time he picked the winners. The contest was originally to write something anti-climactic. When the results came out it had become: "take any famous line and ruin it by ending it with a thud." A subtle change in some cases, but a significant shift in others. Indeed, the winner, at least half the runners-up, and some HMs don't really fit the original tasking. The Czar's comments below suggest he didn't even notice the shift. Sigh.

F2.1 (Thus Spake the Czar):
We worried when we realized (after the contest was published but before the results started coming in) that we had run an identical contest five years before. However, the results were fresh, and superior. Then why, you might ask, did the contest results not run the full length of the page? Because if the results were a bell curve of quality, it would look like a mound way over on the right, with a loooong tapering tail. The best were great. The rest were not.

Actually, there were two previous contests that were too close for comfort. "Near Misses" was one [Week 108 April 9, 1995. Proposed by John Mewshaw, the instructions required contestants to write "discarded first drafts of great lines in history, entertainment, or literature"] and Week XXIV of The Restoration was another. ["Coming to a Bad End" July 9, 2000. Connie Sancetta suggested we "take some immortal line from literature or film and ruin it"] There were a couple of repeats, which were of course disqualified. One was "Friends, Romans, Countrymen, Ladies and Germs..."

The Siberian Express:

It's still summer in Siberia, but its hard to shake the chill of the Czar's cold shoulder. Improperly exiled to below the fold this week is Mike Genz, whose "I think, therefore I have thoughts." was great.

Score Losers:

Rankings for all those with three or more appearances in 2001 are in their traditional e-location.

In a particularly curious event, this week saw the Restoration debut of five Losers (John Griessmayer, Cynthia Coe, Ray Aragon, Hank Wallace, and Mike Byars) each of whom debuted with two appearances.

Among the regulars, Smith moves into a three-way tie for fourth with J. Sorensen and the recently quiet Witte. Grinath, B. Sorensen, and Sullivan all get their fourteenth appearances of the year and move into a five-way with Romm and "Stembol" for fifteenth place. Doyle becomes the third Loser over fifty appearances for the year as he and Hart shrink the gap between themselves and the leader.

Week LXXXIII (Diff'rent Jokes):

The Weak Week Prediction:

This week The Czar offers an original contest, yet with a classic Invitational feel. His four categories give enough room for creativity, but should keep the Losers focused. This is a good week for new comers to break in.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW):

A couple of standard tricks will get overworked in the entries. One is to imagine a situation in which all four conditions apply. Another is to imagine something that is already true, along the lines of: "What if Kato Kaelin were really stupid?" There is nothing wrong with trying these approaches, but be prepared for a lot of company.

Russ to Judgment

On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXXXIII gets a:

This should be a fun one for everyone, and we expect good results.

How Cool the Drool

On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's collection of three prizes gets a:

One per prize seems about right.

Weakest Loser Survivor Millionaire:

Of the five remaining contestants for the million dollar annuity, only Genz and Grinath score this week. We eliminate those with just one point in round two, leaving three contestants sill in the running for the million dollar annuity. The current scores are:

Genz: 5
Grinath: 3
Dudzik: 2

Humor Challenged:

TWW is proud to announce the first in what, we hope, will become an occasional feature. Send us your humor and we'll send you a singing toilet.

Can You Taboo?
The challenge is to come up with topics of conversation that are absolutely off limits in one of the eight settings below. The toilet-winning entry, and other worthy efforts, will appear in this column in a few weeks.

1.While talking with your boss
2. While talking with your new wife
3. During an exam by your doctor
4. With a group of avid Star Trek fans
5. During confession at church
6. While talking with your parents
7. Writing to Senator Clinton
8. Chatting with your car pool

the Obligatory Examples: While talking with you boss: Complaining about how long it takes the computers at work to download porn.
While talking with your new wife: Commenting on your new step-daughter's perky breasts.

E-mail your entries to TheWeakWeek@att.net. Limit ten per contestant. All entries become the property of The Week Weak. Pseudonymous entries will be attributed to The Czar. Deadline for submissions is Monday, September 10th.

Read more Weak Weeks

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