proudly resents ...

 

News Flash:

The Weak Week turns one today! That's right, our first issue (from Sunday, September 3, 2000) has now collected a full year of e-dust. We are delighted to be starting our second year of Loser news and reviews. The Editorial Junta wishes to thank all the readers, particularly those who send in their thoughts and complaints from time to time. We're not sure why you read this, but it's nice to know you do.

The Week in Loserdom:

A Mister David Zarrow (possibly a pseudonym) held what we are told was a delightful brunch as his personal residence. The feature film was courtesy of Loserdom's première film premièrer, Sarah Gaymon. The other big news item for this week is that The Weak Week News Grotto has again been converted into a nursery. Lucy, who was born July 10th but didn't get to come home until September 1st, spent the weekend settling in, and actually slept through Monday night! She clearly takes after both her mother and father and has thick black hair and dark eyes. Here current interests include chew toys and old sandals.

Results of Week LXXX (Under Achiever's Anonymous)

Summary:

The Czar found lots of great stuff, from lots of people. This contest was a winner, and we should look for variations on it in the future.

F2.1 (The Czar's Comments):
The underachievements were a terrific lot. About the only comment is that there were 12 different variations of Write the Great American xxxx (SI entry, shopping list, to-do list, etc.) but only one that was, we thought, perfect. We printed that and gave it a prize, even though it was arguably "unoriginal."

The Siberian Express:

Early on, we considered Larry Riedman's great "Invent a better placebo" for this week's Express, but then realized that it didn't quit fit the contest (it isn't something easy to accomplish). Mr. Riedman, therefore, wins our first ever Schmules Award for the best printed entry that doesn't quite fit the rules. Riding stand-by on the Express is Dick Kovar for his, also great, get people to call you by your first name entry.

Score Losers:

Rankings for all those with three or more appearances in 2001 are in their traditional e-spot.

The Czar printed a whopping twenty-five people new to the Restoration including Old Style regular Mike Connaghan, who we hope is back for a while. The Czar also found room for several other regulars who had been silent recently, including Gertler, Kopac, and Pierce.

With seventeen weeks to go in 2001 the race for Loser of the Year seems to be coming down to the same old two. Hart and Beland have finished first and second each of the last two years and are leading (though in reverse order) again. Hart is currently six behind the leader, but she could make that up in almost any week. Still with a shot at winning, and currently in third place, is the streaky Doyle. He finds himself eleven behind the leader and five appearances shy of second place. In order to take the lead by the end of the year he would need to outscore Beland by an average of two appearances every three weeks, and Hart by one. Well behind Doyle is a tightly clustered group of Smith, Sorensen, and Witte. They are each more than two dozen appearances out of the lead and, at their current paces, won't even reach Beland's current score by the end of the year. Still, these are Losers who can rack up appearances fast and none of them can be ruled out just yet.

LXXXIV (Initially Mistaken):

The Weak Week Prediction:

This week The Czar offers a tough contest. Doyle might do well on it, as could Witte. Overall, however, we expect very few people will ink more than once on this one. We expect the Czar to get lots of adequate, but few good, entries.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW) :

You might think there are two ways to approach this contest. First, start with a name and build a message from it. Second, start with a funny idea for a message and find a name to fit. This week's WWWW is to forget about the second method. The Editorial Junta spent its time between puppy whines on that very approach and can declare it a vast, unproductive void.

Russ to Judgment: On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXXXIV gets a:

We've played with this one enough to see it is going to involve a lot of effort for mostly mediocre entries. Very little fun for the Losers in this one.

How Cool the Drool: On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's fake jade promotional item gets a: .

It simply can't be bad enough to be a good prize.

Weakest Loser Survivor Millionaire:

All three surviving Losers scored this week, though The Czar informs us that Grinath's entry may have been misattributed (not that we're at all bitter about being robbed of yet another HM). In any case, that little detail doesn't matter as Dudzik's August hot streak spills into September. His three points this week allow him to overtake Grinath and move into second. With the contest down to just two, next week's results will decide the million dollar winner. Genz needs a tie, or better, to win, but it's a contest Dudzik suggested.

The current cores are:
Genz: 6
Dudzik: 5

Remember, there is still time to enter the first ever Humor Challenged contest. See last week's TWW for details and send your entries to TheWeakWeek@att.net

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