Russ Beland's Love-Hate relationship with the Style Invitational dates back to the day after his debut on Week 73 (old style) when he wrote the Czar to complain that his first bumper stickers had not arrived in a timely manner. In the years that followed he went on to complain about, and second guess, virtually every aspect of the contest. He has started dozens of rumors (some of which might, technically speaking, be unsubstantiated) about the Czar including:
- It wasn't until working out the guest list for his bar mitzvah that the Czar's parents discovered they were second cousins.
- The Czar's name was originally Julius Rosenberg, but he changed it because, given his hair, he was always being called "Orange Julius."
- The judging of the contests can be explained by the fact that, in the Czar's home country, no one speaks English and Dean Martin is considered the ultimate comic genius.
The Czar responded in print, once calling Beland a "vainglorious publicity-seeking chowderhead" and another time a "squishy warm wet blanket," the latter of which won Mr. Beland a jar of sour pickles which, he is quick to note, has never been received.
Beland's unique style of humor can be traced back to an unfortunate flossing accident in his childhood. The part of his brain that would typically be used for mirth was largely destroyed. Over time he was able to reprogram certain cells, and now uses the portion of his brain otherwise devoted to the metric system for humor. To this day he can not measure in centimeters without smiling broadly.
Read The Weak Week | Read Still Yet Even More About Russ Beland
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