"ES": I first entered in Week XLII (Combine two TV shows). I was quite disappointed that the Czar didn't like this entry: The Mr. Ed Group. "Here's the concept, chief -- we'll have another overloud, annoying political talk show, this time hosted by a horse's head!"

TWW: Losers probably first took notice of you when you had the only printed entry for the Ginger contest. Before it was printed, did you think that entry was particularly good? Did you submit a lot of stuff for that one?

"ES": The winner was my favorite entry that week. I followed the advice of The Weak Week Word to the Wise and submitted entries in the name of celebrities. And thanks. I submitted nine entries ranging from Jesse Jackson to Hillary Clinton to Gray Davis.

TWW: Have you gotten your flag for winning that one yet? What about a shirt or bumper stickers?

"ES": One bumper sticker arrived a few weeks ago. No sign of a "Republican flag" yet. But I can live without it. It's not exactly a stuffed mongoose, you know.

TWW: It's no secret that for a couple of weeks some people thought you might just be the Czar. Your unusual profile in Gopherdrool and the complete lack of evidence that there really is an Ervin Stembol combined for some interesting speculation. Was that fun for you? Too weird? What?

"ES": The level of speculation was amusing at first. Then hilarious. Then rolling on the floor. I couldn't remember anything like it since -- well, let's just say that at any moment I expected to read a Losernet posting something like this: "In the infamous Q&A of Week LII when the SI announced that the Czar would take sabbatical, if you go to the exact center of the column and read it aloud -- backwards, at half speed - - and listen very closely, it says: 'I . . . buried . . . Czar'."

TWW: In the last month or so you have had ink on two cannibalism entries, one Ombudsman put-down, and one grotesque regicide entry. Are you SURE you aren't the Czar?

"ES": Yeah, I'm sure. I thought about just denying the Czar thing, but really -- would a mere denial have done anything more than fan the flames? And at a certain point, I figured, "who was I to deny so many people so much innocent pleasure?"

And, by the way, I've got a bone to pick with TWW. I thought that the grotesque regicide entry (Assmar x Saved by the Sword = Edward II) deserved a "She Can Print THAT?" award.

TWW: For a relative newcomer to the contest you seem know its workings and people fairly well. Have you been following the contest for long?

"ES": I have been a fan since the inception. Just didn't really get around to entering until lately. And following Losernet is a fount of useful/useless information about the SI, so that's where I get what little I know.

TWW: You have been printed five of the last seven weeks and are tied for ninth in 2001 points. Is this something you are likely to stick with, or is it likely to get old for you?

"ES": I enjoy it, so I probably will stick with it. Except in the unlikely event that I get a life.

TWW: So, what's your real name?

"ES": What?? Some people think that "Ervin Stembol" sounds funny, so therefore it's a phony name? Are we in such a "Hey! Look at ME!" world that a guy who just likes his privacy must be imaginary?

Anyway, get real. They're ALL pseudonyms. "Tom Witte?" Ri-i-i-ight. And if you were trying to come up with a funny made-up name, d'ya think "Dudzik" might be on the list? I've already commented on Losernet on how "Jennifer Hart" is just a name the Czar uses when he comes up with stuff that is way funnier than what the ordinary Losers send in. Nobody could be that funny that often. Ditto with "Chuck Smith." Really, who buys THAT? Why not just go with "John Doe" and be done with it? And, do you REALLY believe that there is such a person and place as "Cindi Rae Caron, Lenoir, NC"?

[Mr. "Stembol" then presented a lengthy and vaguely paranoid conspiracy theory about how entries are really written. TWW will spare the reader any details of this musing, except to note that theories of Stembol=Czar appear mild by comparison.]

TWW: Back to business. It's still early in the year, but you and Rod Ewing are the clear front runners for Rookie of the Year. Is that a goal for you? Any predictions?

"ES": By the time this hits print (or whatever one says now (somehow "becomes visual as a result of transmission of electrons over a series of wires" just doesn't have the same ring as "hits print"), we will no doubt know that "Rod Ewing" was the Czar.

TWW: Allowing, for the moment, that you really are Ervin Stembol, have any friends or co-workers started to notice your name in the paper?

"ES": My friends and co-workers must not be among the dozens of SI readers across the metropolitan area. It is, however, the only thing that has made my daughter think her dad is cool.

TWW: What sort of work do you do?

"ES": I work in a circus. I clean up after the elephant. They call me Dumbo's man.

TWW:Is the drawing of you on Gopherdrool even close? Might we recognize you from that?

"ES": That's me. To the best of my limited artistic ability. Sometimes I wear glasses, but they were too hard to draw.

TWW: You ever going to come to a brunch?

"ES": Probably. If they can get my medication right, I'll be able to get out on Sundays.