and The Weak Week
resent
| Somewhere around the middle of Style Year 2 Tom Witte climbed into fourth place on the career appearance list and has bounced between second and fourth ever since. He has had more appearances than Chuck Smith in each of the last five years and, as is currently in third on Carnahan's career list. Despite that success, Tom Witte is among the least well known of the regulars. He's been to some brunches, and other functions, but Tom Witte remains quiet, an unvisited island in the sea of "look at me" Losering. Fortunately, he agreed to open up to The Weak Week, publicly sharing his thoughts on, and insights into, the contest to a degree he ever had before. Here is what the Quiet Loser had to say:
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TWW: With the Exception of Krattenmaker, you are, perhaps, the lowest profile of the successful Losers, why? TW: Lie low, sell high. TWW: What made you agree to do a Weak Week Interview? TW: Pity. TWW: You have had an enormous amount of success in the contest. You are one of only three people in the 400-Club, you've won the gopher drool something like nine times, and you just received the first ever Weak Week Lifetime achievement award. Are there any particular things you would like to do in the contest that you haven't yet? TW: Things? No. TWW: Contests based on words and wordplay seem to be your favorites, is that about right? TW: No; let the candied tongue lick absurd pomp. TWW: So what's Bob Levey's contest like? Is there any counterpart to the Losers? [Note: this question, and several others related to Bob Levey were all answered with the same three-letter reply that, we're pretty sure, is a very nasty acronym that we won't reproduce here.] TWW: Lets do a speed round: TWW: Boxers or Briefs? TW: Ax yo mama. TWW: Lager or Pilsner? TW: '82 Bordeaux. TWW: Split Infinitive or Dangling Participle? TW: Interjection. TWW: Hart or Smith? TW: Malcolm, Worcester, and Thuermer. TWW: Monty Python or SNL? TW: The Simpsons. TWW: Uncle or Ear No One Reads? TW: Uncle! TWW: Enough of that. Since none of our readers know a damn thing about you, here's a great opportunity to share. As best we can tell you are single, what else is there to know? TW: Whoever you are, I have always depended on the kindness of strangers. TWW: Do you ever play charades while wearing women's shoes? TW: Briefs. TWW: You are one of the more consistent of the Losers. By Elden's count, you have had between 69 and 80 appearances in each of the last four full years. Do you enter nearly every week? How many entries? Do you have a system or pattern? TW: The consistency with which I enter is becoming less and less foolish. TWW: Anything else you'd like to say to your fans while you have the chance? TW: Yes. |
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