proudly resents ...

 

The Week in Loserdom:

This was another quiet week in the Loser ranks. NRARS favorite Jonthan Paul had a birthday, other Losers contemplated chick flicks, and some even shared their more magnetic thoughts. The Week Weak is tickled to announce another giant journalistic coup. Check out our Tom Witte Interview. Among the bright spots in this gab fest are "No...No...Yes."

Results of Week LXIII (Colt Fusion)^*

Summary:

Thoroughbred week has never disappointed, and this was no exception. The big surprise was the AuxCzar's posting of, says here, 159 Dishonorable Mentions on Washpost.com*. For this week only Losers had the joy of knowing that not only did their prized entries fail to get ink, they failed to even come close.

F2.1 (The AC's Comments):
Despite the time it took -- several all-nighters -- to scrutinize the thousands upon thousands of entries to Week LXIII, this was by far the most fun and rewarding week of my Auxiliareign, which is now charging down the homestretch (I'm at the 1/13th pole; one week to go). I'm just glad I could share so many more of them than we usually have space for, although there were still easily that many more again that were inkworthy.

Of the horses that didn't make it to the finish, it was overuse more than tastelessness that kept them out of the running, though names like Blow the World, The Goo, and RedBox were bound to produce some way-unprintable entries from otherwise printable entrants. But basically I steered clear of all but the most novelly stated of Clinton, Bush, Jesse Jackson, Monica and Darryl jokes. On the other hand, this week's Go Look It Up If You Don't Get It Highbrow Prize goes to the brilliant-on-several-levels entry of Wheat Penny x Private Son = Lower GI Ceres, submitted by Webtrix Sandra Hull.

Next week, by the way, that prize will go unclaimed: The signs with dropped letters are about as lowbrow as they come. But ohhh sooo funnneeee.

The Siberian Express:

Beyond Win, Place, and Show, is a little mix of heaven and hell, where fame and glory are modest and bittersweet. It is a place known simple as The Express Zone. This week, we find one shirt-worthy entry so frost bitten, so overlooked, it didn't even make F2. From the outer-oblivion of e-ink comes: Adios My Friend & Coke's Tribute = Parting Blow submitted for your approaval by Susan Krys.

Score Losers:

Witte becomes the fourth Loser to reach 100 TRPs. Beland retakes the lead from Hart with six points on five hits. Doyle, the handicappers' pick for the week, is held to four singles, but scores another thirteen near misses. Paul posts his record seventh Restoration win and moves into fourth for the year. Racehorse specialists Marcus, Hammer, and Roe all score as well.

Week LXVII (Life is Snort):

The Weak Week Prediction:

Like other contests that involve long entries, the number printed will be very small. Those few to get ink will combine three features: good writing, a funny concept, and a clever or surprising person as the writer.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW):

TWW wishes to stress the importance of picking your authors carefully. The usual suspects will get overworked, so don't bother with Monica if you don't have a really good concept. Ideas for good famous people can always be found at one of our favorite sites: The Dead People Server*: it lists tons of people, living and dead, and has links for many of them. You might also be sure to include a couple of really short entries, it can't hurt, and the Czar may have just enough space for one of them.

Russ to Judgment

On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXVII gets a:

This is the best contest since, gosh, all the way back to racehorses. There is plenty of room for creativity in all sorts of directions. The only down side to this one is the small number that will get printed.

How Cool the Drool

On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's musical ice cream scooper gets a:

It's probably only worth a two, but compared to the recent offerings, we'll be generous.

The Week Link:

(Remember we had the title before that prissy English bitch showed up on NBC.)
Week 268*: For the first weekend in May, 1998 the Czar dragged out the name a race contest, to be won three weeks later by Chris Kaufman for: SKEAPIN & REAL QUIET = SUSAN MCDOUGAL. The results printed that week were for combination products. T.J. Murphy won for combining the RU-486 "morning after" pill with an AK-47 to allow "disgruntled postal workers to rethink their rage." Also that week, Jennifer Hart poked fun at pet horoscopes in The Thing Into Which The Ear No One Read Had Metastasized. Finally, the Czar pointed out that illustrator Bob Staake had won the "highly prestigious" Reuben Award from the National Cartoonists Society which, whatever it is, we're sure he deserved.

May 13th: Those Blankity Blank Signs
May 20th: Take This Contest and Stick It
May 27th: Sure it's a chick flick, but my proctologist gave it two thumbs up.

Read more Weak Weeks

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