proudly resents ...

 

Loser News:

The Post finally gets around to the "Chuck Smith Hits 500" story. They are a week late and an entry short, but it appears they mean well. This week also saw a flood of thanks to TWW for suggesting the word search tool for the quotation mark contest. We're always glad to help.

Results of Week LXX (Who's Your Uncle?)^*

Summary:

Writing about a dead Uncle didn't seem too funny to us at the time, and it still doesn't. This was a cute idea, but with limited potential. The Czar really should have made this one of those sidebar contests he uses as filler on slow weeks.

F2.1 (Thus Spake the Czar):
Here is an unheretofore disclosed secret: A certain, though slim, amount of planning goes into the selection of contests, and one aspect is that we will tend to create contests that require long answers only when the contest is so hard that we expect the average entry to suck. This is because, instead of there being 35 or so entries worthy of print, we know there will be, perhaps, 13. Which is all we have room for. The alternative is awful: We HATE to not print great entries.

Well, The Uncle entries did not disappoint. We printed 13, precisely the number worth printing.

One more thing: We originally had an example we were going to use when the contest was announced, but it was such a good idea that we did not wish to publish it, confident that someone would think of it, and then we could run it as a winning entry. Well, no one came up with precisely that idea, but two people poked at its boundaries with some cleverness, so we credited them both, tailored the entry to our original specifications, and made it the first runner up.

Also, we intend to continue using the first person plural even in these correspondences, because it seems fitting and proper, to us.

The Siberian Express:

No train this week. We explain: It might be considered in bad taste to make too much sport of someone's demise.

Score Losers:

Several streaks die this week, leaving Smith, Hart and Grinath sharing the glory at three in a row. The Post's 2001 scores have not been updated for a month now, but the top ten for the year (by our count) are: Beland: 51, Hart: 42, Doyle: 35, Smith & Witte: 28, J. Sorensen: 27, Paul: 24, and Genz, Caron, & Stembol: 18. Sullivan returns from a long absence with three points on two inks as Witte gets his third win of the restoration.

Week LXXIV (Swiftly Tedious):

The Weak Week Prediction:

The Czar resorts to distinctions in form class to generate a contest and claims it's "a whole different game." TWW thinks this is a little like claiming oral sex isn't really sex, both are hard to swallow.

The Weak Week Word to the Wise (WWWW):

There are lots of web pages and books devoted to the Swifty. Try Wutka's 101 Tom Swifties* for 101 classic TSies. The Czar first hit us with Swifties on Week 44 (OS). The winning entry was from Mrs. Airey's English Class: "'We didn't inhale,' declared Bill and Hillary jointly." The rest of the results are worth a quick look.

Russ to Judgment

On a one-seventeen scale, sixteen being best, Week LXXIV gets a:

We delayed publication of TWW to give this one a chance to grow on us. We're still waiting.

How Cool the Drool

On a one-five scale (where five is a stuffed mongoose) this week's country store display of lures and spools gets a:

We're assuming it's delightful, and it's $60!

Still Coming Next Month:

Next week: The Weak Week will have its first ever guest editor, but we'll take all the credit.

Later in July: TWW will begin its exciting game of Weakest Loser Survivor. In response to the many queries we have received, TWW will now reveal some of the details of this exciting contest with the one million dollar cash prize.**

The contest will begin with the July 8 issue of the Invitational. Starting on July 15, one weakest team will be eliminated each week. Once we are down to a final surviving team, the members of that team will be gradually eliminated until a lone Loser remains to claim the grand prize. The six teams were selected with considerable care, in an effort to get both a balanced number of entries and some clear geographic groupings. The six teams are:

DC, Alexandria, & Arlington

Herndon / Reston

Other Virginia

Colombia / Potomac (including all those up-scale sounding variations of Potomac, "Potomac Falls, Potomac Heights, Potomac Estates, Potomac Acres, Potomac Hectares")

Other Maryland

The Rest of the World

TWW invites the Losers to send in names for their teams. You may only submit suggestions for your own team. Unless you specify otherwise, your suggestions will be anonymous.

** See last week's TWW for details of the grand prize.

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